My head kept spinning and I was spiralling into the depths of a place I didn’t want to come back. At that moment is like the world has stopped and you are frozen, alone in fear and frustration.
“What am I doing? Why is this happening?”
I’m wishing hard to disappear or to just make my bad feelings disappear.
Sitting in the corner of the bed I could hear my child crying outside the door wanting to get in. My beloved child, who I always dreamed of and would die for, was at that moment the very object of my spite and anger.
Endless sleepless nights, breast pain, hormonal imbalance, piled up home chores, dirty floors… If that wasn’t enough overwhelming my child decided to throw the bowl full of food across the room, spreading food and sauce everywhere.
I burst in anger and shouted at the top of my lungs at my child. Realising I was furious I decided to walk away from him before I did anything bad. I locked myself into the bedroom, hating my child and hating myself for hating him.
This is not easy (and not sure if brave either) to admit, especially when you love your child so much and you pride yourself to have decades of experience caring for children.
I am glad that this happened many many months ago, but as a permanent marker stain, it left a dark stain in my mind.
This stain reminds me of what I’m not proud of and how we moms can become our own worst nightmare.
Yet, it also reminds me that it happens, and it’s sadly happening in too many families, but you can be healed and prevent so there’s no next time.
If this is something you have gone (or are going) through, even if you might not be able to see it right now, know you are not alone.
Forgiveness, while not easy, is key. Action and courage are necessary if you want to break any negative cycle.
While learning to stop it from happening again, I have created and put the right systems in place. I’ve realised this is something that many other parents like me could benefit from!
I had this fantasy that “what if this could be a game-changer?”.
These words ”what if”, to the contrary to regret, for me holds unlimited opportunities.
WHAT IF I did this way, it might be better.
WHAT IF there are easier ways to make great things happen?
This is how I came to understand that once you ask for another chance, another way, another path… The answer appears.
WHAT IF is like a gentle wind that opens for CREATIVITY and Creativity is the kingdom of opportunities.
What’s the WHAT IF that you could gift to you and your family today?
Diosa Llabaria B