Family Life,  Mother

There is time for everything


Yes, there is time for everything! It’s true, but it’s important to also say that everything has it’s own space in time. You can do anything but not all at once!

New mother’s sense of time.

I’ve learned in my early months of motherhood that I couldn’t do everything as I used to.

I’ve lacked the energy, the free time, and the patience to sort out all the things I used do in short time before being a mother.

We all have the same hours in a day, but with all the internal and external chaos time felt so different, and it took me a while to adjust. Sometimes I wouldn’t even know what day it was!

Early evenings felt like if it was midnight, then during one of those “night toilet trips” I would be wide awake.

By the end of my baby’s seventh month I’ve learned some valuable things that I want to share with you!

 

Stay active (gently)

Your body has gone from big (or huge) to a sudden loss of mass. Literally. Because you gave birth to your baby (or babies).

I hope you didn’t feel insulted for calling your baby a mass. Yet, know that she was a big part that made your big belly.

There’s also the placenta, the umbilical cord and all the waters within the sac too.

So yes, the uterus needs to shrink into the size it used to be as it’s not holding anything in anymore.. Unless you are pregnant again of course.

A way to help is to breastfeed, as the motion of baby sucking send signals to feel contractions in your uterus. It helps it to accelerate the process.

Another way if you are not breastfeeding (but beneficial for breastfeeding mothers too) is to go for gentle walks for half an hour. Try once or twice a day.

The motion of walking cradles the hips and pelvis promoting gentle exercise on the sides of the uterus, helping it to retract.

It’s a myth that you have to be bed ridden, it’s true that you have to rest but very light exercises actually promotes faster healing!

Refrain from any sexual intercourse or activity for the first month or two at least, it always depends on of how you feel.

You can have plenty of cuddles and kisses, those perfect because many of us can become very body conscious and we need a little reassurance.

Home chores are not considered light exercise, all the bending and carrying stuff can make you feel dizzy, specially if you are sleep deprived and mentally exhausted.

Do not lift heavy stuff within the first months!

I did that mistake and felt soreness afterwards on my pelvic and uterus area, as somehow when I did gather strength to lift I would tense up that area.

Beat the control freak inside and ask for help

We are not super women!

We can handle a lot of things but there’re moments (like after giving birth) that we actually need help with things we used to do by ourselves.

I believe that when we are in a relationship, your partner becomes a parent too, and as a parent he/she shares half of the responsibility of a child.

Don’t be afraid to ask your partner or close relative for help with baby!

If you are a bit nervous of handing over the handling your little one, start by asking him/her to ONLY hold baby for little while.

Maybe they can do a light activity with baby for half an hour in the beginning, something calming and easy for your partner.

Preferably a couple of times a day and gradually increasing the time lengths. A perfect way baby and your partner can get used to each other.

You can also teach your partner to change nappies or to prepare bottles (if you bottle-feed). Or helping baby to burp and sleeping time!

If your partner doesn’t feel ready yet to handle baby, he/she can do the shopping for you. Also home chores like washing the dishes, clean toilets, do the laundry, and hoovering the place.

Make sure you have a to-do list he can freely choose what to do first. From my experience, writing instructions on each task is helpful in case they haven’t done it before.

Don’t forget to thank your beloved for all the good work! Praise him/her now and then, surprising them a treat maybe.

A quick reminder: sex within the first month is not a treat if you are not feeling like it!

You can always write a VOUCHER for a sexy night, to be used much later when you are ready.

Your (and baby’s) sacred space

People, specially close friends and family, will want to come to your house as soon as possible to see you and (specially) your baby.

Remember that you just had a baby. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself by feeling obliged to attend people in your house. Your PRIORITY is your baby and you!

If you don’t feel like it do not pressure yourself, baby will feel that stress too. They are more sensitive than we think, they can feel how mum feels.

Kindly tell them that you are not ready and need few days to rest. Assure them that you will let them know as soon as you and baby are feeling better to see people.

If people react negatively and doesn’t respect your space and wishes, then it’s clear that THEY DON’T CARE at all about you.

People that really care wait patiently.

Stand your ground, now it’s a time for you and your baby to bond and recover. It takes time to get used to each other and this new stage of your lives. Everything else is not as important so take your time.

Know that If you let people to walk over your feelings and decisions at this early stage, expect their behaviour to worsen over time. Demanding people only know to ask more and more.

Enjoy every moment

You’ve been waiting for months to have your baby in your arms, and now there she is, so enjoy every minute the best you can because they grow so fast.

Knowing that, doesn’t it make you value more your time with your child?

Adults can reason (at least many) so if you cannot hang out with your friends, visit your family as often as before, they should be able to understand.

A baby doesn’t understand why a parent feels sad or stressed, or when her parents doesn’t want to spend time with her.

They lack that knowledge and the neurological connections to find a logic BUT they sense those feelings.

They are emotions sponges, and their response to something that feels negative is to cry.

Babies cry out of fear and what they want is to be held and reassured and feel that everything will be alright again.

That’s why they only calm down with mum because mum is their world, mum makes her feel safe.

After all she did that for a whole nine months in the womb!

So there’s time for everything yes, everything else can be on hold, because you don’t want to miss these precious times with your baby.

One day they won’t be children anymore but grown and independent adults.

You will wonder where did the time go and reminisce about exactly the days you are living now.

 

 

With light and joy,

 

Diosa Ll.B.

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