Mindset,  Mother

Some will think I’m not right but that’s ok


Some people might not like to read what I’m going to say.. Some will think I’m not right but that’s ok, we all have our own opinions..

SOCIETY’s VIEW OF A MOTHER

You see, we live within a time that looking good, being perfect, and popular.. Is what seems to matters most.

My way of thinking might not look good to you. It is definitely not perfect and it’s not of popular opinion.

But I don’t care because I’m speaking from the heart. I know many mothers will relate to all of this.

What’s most important is to give you a new perspective, a new point of view.

I want to break this illusion of a perfect and glorified motherhood.

I am not a perfect mom and I don’t try to be. I’m human and I try to be a good mother as best I can, regardless what people (even very close ones) says.

Today I said to my husband that I hated our son. I was desperate.

A HARD TRUTH

I love my son very very much! So when the storm has passed I felt guilty for even saying that, despite knowing it was not true.

But in that moment, so tired, deprived of sleep and hungry. I really felt like wanting to give him (my son) away.

Motherhood is hard enough let alone to also be judged by people. Also to be criticised for not following “the norm”.

I even googled for sheer curiosity “I hate my toddler” and what came up was a bit shocking.

It’s apparently more normal than we think.

Let me tell you a bit of my story.. I have been (for already two years) without a good night sleep.

My son would never sleep without me, from day one he would cry if we put him down in his crib.

For the comfort of him, my husband and me (and also for my neighbours) I decided to co-sleep.

And yes, co-sleeping done correctly and safely is not dangerous.

BEING HONEST

What I’m trying to say is.. Being honest and open, showing weaknesses and not a perfect picture, doesn’t take away the fact that you are a good mother. A good person in general.

Well, unless you are harming your child physically and emotionally of course!

I don’t believe in physical nor psychological punishment. If you do that please you need to stop doing that! Talk asap to someone specialised in anger management and therapy.

Whenever I’m feeling this low, I vent by swearing in the kitchen alone (in Spanish) or talking to my husband. Also doing the dishes and cleaning helps!

One thing I would never do is to say bad things on front of my son.

Anger is energy that needs to be released or used constructively, never against anyone (unless your life or your loved ones are in danger).

My son has a very beautiful smile, and he’s very good overall actually.

He’s very active and playful, and loves being the centre of attention of people! He is also very stubborn, very strong willed and very temperamental.

There are always way more good moments than bad ones. So my experience with motherhood while not perfect, is beautiful so far.

Many days I wished he wasn’t so clingy, so needy, or so grumpy!

But you know..

Despite of the lots of results when searching for “I hate my toddler” there were also an equal (if not more) number of mothers wishing these days back. They wished  of the times when their children were little and needing them constantly.

I’M TAKING CARE OF MYSELF TOO

If you feel like a bad mother, or feel like you would give up despite loving your child with all your heart.. This is going to be temporary!

It’s OK to feel those negative strong emotions now and then. Those usually are a mixture of tiredness and something else that is pushing you to the limits.

But remember that those feelings are not the whole picture, it doesn’t determine WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

It’s only portraying your lowest version of yourself.

You are better than that!

Those strong feelings are telling you that you need a bit of help, or take it easy and some rest.

So next time when you are hitting rock bottom remember this is not who you are in a normal state.

Remember the consequences of the last time you went through the same. How guilty you felt afterwards.

And even though our children are important, we (mothers) are too.

The best care you can provide them is by FIRST giving yourself the self-care you deserve. 

Do you remember when we were pregnant and we used to say “I’m eating for two”?

Now it’s a “I’m taking care of two” (or whatever number of children you’ve got plus YOU)

You’ve got this Mama!

Diosa Ll.B.

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