Mindset,  Mother

Signs of being overwhelmed


All mothers show signs of being overwhelmed at some point. This is a very common emotion in Motherhood regardless of how old or young the children are.

In this post I’m showing you the typical signs that reflects in a mother  that is feeling overwhelmed. And how it can be stopped and shift to a much calmer state.

 

High irritability and aggressive tone of voice

One thing is to be angry momentarily and snap by shouting in the spur of the moment. Yet, being overly sensitive and grumpy almost all the time is different.

Someone that goes slowly in “crescendo” every day with rage. Being defensive and accusative showing very high feelings of overwhelm. It can be even borderline to anxiety.

Does it sound familiar? Do you feel like this sometimes and you wonder why?

Here are the common culprits:

  • Home chores piling up and not having the time to deal with them
  • Children are not letting you have a break even for a number two!
  • Ongoing sleep deprivation for over a week
  • Partner is not helpful at all despite the reasons above
  • Someone tells you that you are not doing enough/well/better

So what can you do to help yourself bring down that grumpy cat mood? Here are some ideas:

  1. Delegate chores if you have the financial means
  2. Be gentle with yourself, no mother is perfect so don’t aim for perfection!
  3. Tell our partner that you are a team, he/she needs to help
  4. Nod to your haters while imagining they are being attacked by a swarm of red amazonian ants!
  5. Sleep whenever you can, if your partner is at home he/she can handle your children for an hour while you go for a nap.
  6. Listen to some nice music that relaxes you.

 

(Often) Blank Dead Stare into the infinity and beyond

You know those moments where you are so tired and your mind decides to take a break regardless you want it or not?

Yeah, I mean that look in your eyes like if you have died with your eyes open.

When I do that I even wonder later if I stopped breathing. In that state I don’t really give a sheep because it feels good. Because I feel nothing. I feel nothing, hear nothing, see nothing, I am (like) nothing.

Until someone snaps his fingers on front of you or waves so they break your delicious trance!

That moment you get back to your senses, you look at the person who brought you back. You can suddenly feel the urge to bite their head off or something gory.

I believe we have these moments because our heads are processing so many things so fast that it “lapses”. In order to bring some more oxygen or “declutter” thoughts it gives itself that type of break.

For those nerds/techies think of a momentarily Blue screen of death. One that the owner actually enjoys it when it happens!

This is often experienced by those who don’t burst with rage that easily. That could have a tendency to over please people and would rather keep emotions in.

Emotions are energy, a big accumulation of energy needs to be used or otherwise if it gets trapped for a long time it implodes. In the case of a person, it kind of eats you alive slowly.

So what can be done to not ending up wishing for a comma (I did. More than once!) or for a spindle of an enchanted spinning wheel?

  1. Sleep more if you can, do not skip the opportunity of a nap when your children are napping!
  2. Meditate or do some Yoga
  3. Turn off your phone or leave it behind/lock it away, try to not use it for half a day and see how it feels!
  4. Do not make it worse by accepting extra tasks/meetings/dates/appointments.
  5. Have a light walk outside (if the weather is good) and enjoy the scenery

You are starting to hate yourself

This one is a tough one, very painful and confusing, and when I felt like that I thought I was depressive or something (I could’ve been!).

I know that you might be thinking that I’m confusing overwhelm with depression, but in fact you are both right and wrong.

Overwhelm and depression walk hand in hand, it can also be that overwhelm is the early stage of a “Depression cycle”.

One of the worst feelings ever is to hate yourself: if you hate someone you can walk away from that person, but how do you walk away from yourself?

There are so many people that put emphasis on mothers to be perfect or to cope well with everything and still look like fresh as a rose.

The expectations are so high, and showing vulnerability, not coping well (or doing mistakes) makes you an easy target.

People can be cruel/selfish and likes to prey on the weak, and motherhood is where a woman can feel her weakest, specially shortly after birth.

I didn’t experience postpartum depression but I suffered anxiety. Quite often it happened when I had to deal with my in-laws. I had more patience for my son!

With this one I can only say that the best way to help yourself is..

FORGIVING YOURSELF from feeling bad about yourself, and to repeat positive affirmations of all the things you are good at.

Remember that to your children YOU ARE the most beautiful, amazing, caring and wonderful human being in their entire world.

They see you by who you are, by all the things you do to care for them, and for all the love you give them every day.

Know that such person is NOTHING SHORT OF AMAZING.

Each of your children’s smiles demonstrates that you’ve done something good, and that you should be proud of.

There’s only one of YOU in this world

You’ve got one body, the same amount of hours of the day as everyone else, and one life to live.

Knowing this truth, which I know you already know (but it needs to be reminded to everybody, not only you or mothers), how does it feel to hear it aloud?

Sometimes more doesn’t mean better, sometimes nothing doesn’t mean lacking or poor, and many times being YOURSELF is better than being the best.

Being YOURSELF is living by your own beat.

By feeling how you should feel about yourself whether is bad or good and be unapologetic about it. There’s no standards set than those you set for yourself.

Being yourself you are FREE from comparisons, because there’s only one YOU. There’s no one to compare to, no one to compete with.

Now remember next time you start feeling signs of overwhelm that by acknowledging your:

  • Limits
  • Desires
  • Values
  • Emotions
  • Strength
  • Integrity.

And honouring them with RESPECT. Overwhelm will not be fully eradicated of your life but you’ll be able to TAME IT, like if the lion suddenly became a kitty.

With light and joy,

Diosa Ll.B.

2 Comments

  • Sharon

    What a perfectly timed article because I felt this exact overwhelm today. I just asked my husband to hold me for a bit while I cried and then I went on a long overdue run outside.
    Afterward, I felt 100 times better!!!
    Life can be so demanding and we as mothers (and women) feel the pressure to keep all the balls in the air and not let any drop.
    Sometimes we do drop the ball and it isn’t the end of the world.
    Thanks for this great article on how to deal with the overwhelm. It is definitely a real struggle for so many moms (and dads too). 🙂

    • Diosa

      Yes! Definitely everyone can feel overwhelm, I mention mothers particularly because my blog is mainly addressed to mothers but all what I write and teach in parenting and mindset is for all genders 🙂
      And unfortunately yes as mothers we are expected do and handle a lot, and in society there’s still a bit of a stigma around not being able to cope if you are a mom.. This needs to stop, we are to be respected and to be helped instead of criticised. I believe that for anyone struggling is given help and guidance this world would be a much different and better one.
      Thanks for commenting!

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