Mindset

Expectations, Glory, Attachment and then there’s YOU


Expectations, Glory, Attachment and then There’s YOU is the continuation of my article “7 Why’s Manifestation is resisting“(click title to go to post). We’ve already explained Overwhelm, Doubt and Change as the three first culprits of the list.

Now.. If you’ve read so far (and the first post of course), you’ve noticed that I mention seven but only listed six! There’s no typo nor mistake. Keep reading and find out the last one, which will for sure blow your mind.

So let’s continue with our next one which is FEAR OF FAILURE. We can all relate with this one! I still have to meet a person that has never experienced this at some point in their lives.

Approval and expectations

Fear of Failure is a common fear, we all experience it and some of us we experience it often depending on the circumstances and personality. To give you an example (although I’m pretty sure you have something in mind already), have you ever been very nervous in a job interview?

Even the most extroverted and confident feel the pressure of approval and expectations. You name them: being loved back, getting that promotion at work, finishing University, giving birth to a healthy baby, paying bills on time..

When we think of Failure, we either think that we haven’t performed that well or that we are not good enough. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever not achieved something you set your mind into and felt guilty and insignificant afterwards?

Not only we have to deal with our own emotions that are going haywire but some people might be also taking it personally. A very common example is parents’ expectations with University, Marriage, High Achievements, etc.

I’m sure you are wondering what would be my take on fixing this one as it’s a tricky one.. It’s more simple than you think.

Own the fact that WE ARE NOT PERFECT and that if we keep trying or MOVING FORWARD we haven’t failed.

Nothing is worse than loosing yourself, as long as we know our worth and our capabilities we’ll be alright! And if there’s people there expecting from you like family, the best thing to do is to be honest with them. Tell them how you feel and how much you want something, they might even offer you help.

We carry the pressure and guilt and keep it for ourselves because we don’t want to make it worse. But know that opening up and asking for help (or someone to listen to you) will help to relieve build up stress and anxiety.

Blinding limelight

Yes, people are afraid to Success! Have you ever read or heard stories about people who won an astronomical amount on the lottery and regret it after a while? They claim being a millionaire ruined their lives!

Or maybe you have been told of those greedy and snob rich people who are hungry for power and reek of corruption?

Also I’ve heard of becoming popular and drawing too much of negative attention and criticism from jealous people.

You might be thinking this is ridiculous but it’s actually more common than you think! In some news I’ve read about women staying “ugly and unattractive” because they want to avoid drawing unwanted attention and being harassed.

Crazy right?

Sadly it’s true, I was like that when I was a teenager. There was my phase of wearing oversize jumpers and looking more like a boy because I was comfortable like that. Not wanting to end up like my best friend (then) who would be dressing feminine and being wolf whistled and told (some disgusting) flirtatious words. I felt disgusted with the thought of being seen merely as a sexual object.

What does all this have in common?

If you succeed, become popular, get rich, look amazing and powerful. You draw A LOT OF ATTENTION. The good and the bad attention. You are open for criticism, and you are not sure if you will be able to handle it.

I honestly believe in empowerment, and when I moved to Ireland alone and being by myself I was able to regain myself. I empowered myself by being me and reinventing myself my way. I no longer wear frumpy clothes (outside) and I love dolling up myself and I don’t give a shit (at least not too much) about what they say.

Here’s a BIG not-so-much-of-a-secret..

YOU WILL NOT BE LIKED BY EVERYBODY. Some will and some will not. AND IT’S ALRIGHT!

In the end of the day, it’s your life. You run it as you like, you’ve got only one so you might as well enjoy it.

Also.. I’m giving you another awesome advice.

ANYBODY ELSE’S MISTAKES ARE NOT YOURS. You won’t repeat “history” if you don’t allow it to happen. You have the right to decide, you’ve got your own set of skills and values, and you have the power of your own decisions.

Repeat to yourself: I’m not afraid to fail because I’m determined! I’m not afraid of success because I’m worth every inch of what I am and do. And I am not afraid because it’s all up to me if I want something or not!

Inner Chains

This one is a tough one.. I’m sure you will relate or at least know someone who could relate to this.

Some cultures have stronger family and community ties than others. Then to an individual level, some have been raised to have stronger emotional attachment. Some by past experiences they’ve learned to accept it in order to survive.

We are talking about Dependency, an unhealthy one.

Attachment and some level of dependency are not bad. Babies depend on their mothers to survive and some people cannot live by themselves for different reasons so they create groups, etc. Having some attachment is good for learning about empathy and human connections.

I’m talking about the ones drawn and ruled by negative emotions.

“Don’t leave me please or I’ll die without you” “If I throw you out who will want you?” “After all I’ve done for you and this is what I get..”

That was so painful to write. Honestly.

I hope you never had to go through something like that or had to hear something like those! Let me tell you first, those are examples of what a toxic person would say.

When having to decide something, it’s good to be considerate of some people.

BUT.

Unless it’s something about them, you don’t need to hand over your power to decide.

Per example, my friends are thinking to move abroad sometime in the future but she’s not sure, because of her in-laws. She’s afraid that they’ll get hurt, or even worse, they’ll retaliate and start a huge argument that could affect (badly) her husband. He is fine to move away though and he’s waiting for her to do the first move, because he doesn’t want to pressure her.

It’s fine that she’s taking in consideration of her in-laws since they have an amazing relationship with her son. However, ultimately it’s her family, and she has to decide what is best for them independently of what the in-laws are going to think or say.

Remember this: EVERY ACTION HAS ITS OWN CONSEQUENCES.

What you believe in should be stronger and worth whatever motion it sets, despite how others will think or react after it happens.

Who..?

This is the last of our list and the mysterious one. Pun intended.

WHO ARE YOU? ARE YOU WHO…? YOU ARE WHO..

Doesn’t matter the order, it feels enigmatic and somewhat disturbing. I get you, because knowing oneself is something that takes a long time and a lot of courage.

We are talking about IDENTITY. Not the sense of knowing ourselves but to really know who we really are, the good and the ugly side.

How can this be a big (HUGE in my opinion) factor that can get in our way to transformation? Let me answer you with another better question.

HOW YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO GO IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT?

OK I’ve been taught to not use WHY as a coach because it has a strong incriminating feeling attached to it so let’s use WHAT.

It’s easy to answer name, gender, exact physical appearance, age, home address.. That can say things about you but doesn’t tell your story.

Would you do this exercise with me (later I’ll tell you why I am doing this)?

Prepare to get some tissues if necessary because it’s going to dig deep within you. Also, you will need a mirror and a picture of you at the age of 12.

Look a picture of yourself when you were about 12.. What do you see? Who is he/she? What did she/he like doing? Do you remember where was that picture taken? Who else is in the picture? What were his/her dreams? What did she/he wished most in the world? Look at the picture and take your time (about 5 minutes) reminiscing about it.

How do you feel? Sad? Happy? Nostalgic?

Now.. Look at the mirror.

What makes you different to the person in the picture? What did you leave behind in order to be where you are in life? How do you think she/he would think about you? Have you kept his/her promises? What about her/his wishes for when she/he would grow up?

Not knowing who YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, can get you lost tomorrow..

And a way to know the real you, is by remembering where you come from and what decisions made the you of today.

UNLEASH YOUR TRUE SELF

There might be things in the past that we don’t want to acknowledge but before you shut down or something: ALL BAD AND GOOD MADE THE PERSON YOU ARE TODAY. I don’t know you but let me tell you that YOU ARE AWESOME.

All our mistakes and bad choices in the past carry lessons for us to learn from, without them we wouldn’t be our present selves.

Some might make you feel ashamed for yourself, I still experience that today too! In a matter of fact, we’ve learned and we are moving on and bettering ourselves.

The last one (Identity) encases all the others in one. The most powerful “tool” you can ever have in life is knowing yourself.

Knowing yourself brings a very strong sense of reassurance, because you know who you are and what you are capable of. It doesn’t leave much room for self-doubt you’ll be less inclined to be indoctrinated.

Now that you know these 7 Why’s Manifestation is resisting, what do you think you could do today to unleash yourself?

Do you have an experience to share where one of the seven stopped you and you eventually overcame it? What did you do?

Share in the comments for people to have more examples to learn from. Flaunt those victories!

With light and joy,

Diosa Ll.B.

4 Comments

  • Daniel

    Hi Diosa, I must say that this article is very helpful and motivational. Just like you said, it is very important that we find true ourselves and not live the life others want from us. I will definitely recommend this text to my wife as she always does what her parents want and that is what make troubles both of us. Thank you for sharing such great info.

    • Diosa

      Thanks Daniel for taking your time to read this article and commenting! I must state that this article is the second part of a full article in case your wife wants to read it.

      I understand you completely, my husband is a sweet man but in the beginning of our relationship we had some little arguments because he was still used to the idea of “pleasing” his parents. If you don’t mind a word of advice (you don’t need to take it if you don’t want to!) is that you talk things over and ask her what she really wants and that she’s an adult now and therefore an equal in position to her own parents. She’s their daughter but not a child anymore, and in this note, her parents will always love her no matter what she decides to do.

      I wish you good luck and I hope you will find a common ground that works for both! 

      Thanks again!

  • Michel

    So many people I find, live their lives always trying to please others. This is sad because if you do this you can never fulfill your potential to live your own life to the fullest. 

    It ok to take others into consideration when making important decisions, but ultimately you need to do what’s best for you and your family, without worrying about upsetting others. 

    Thank you for a really helpful article. 

    • Diosa

      Yes unfortunately some people lack the courage or the decisiveness to stand their ground, believing they will loose/fail  if nobody else likes them anymore. 

      It’s mostly something programmed in their early childhood and it takes a big amount of will power and determination to change this way of thinking around since this way of thinking was introduced in the most important years (early years from birth to school years).

      Thanks so much Michel!

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