Have you wondered why we do this at all? And it’s so damn annoying, right?! Here the 5 major reasons why we suffer Comparisonitis in the first place and keep reading to the end because I’ll tell you my Greatest Advice ever. (Tested by yours truly)
Reason #1: FEAR OF REJECTION/FAILURE
You might be wondering (or laughing at me) with this one. This is the biggest culprit and for me the most important as it’s linked to every single layer within ourselves.
Our nature is to feel connected, whether is to someone or something. We strive to feel alive and feel that we belong, nobody likes to be lonely (at least for too long).
It can sound ironic, right?
“What does rejection have to do with comparing with myself??”
Let me explain.
Let’s go backwards.
You don’t want to be rejected or fail, right? So how is the “easiest” way to do it (when you are not that confident, of course)?
By stopping yourself from doing something that will lead you to find out!
And how do you do that?
By telling yourself you are not good enough, which will lead us to our second reason which is..
Reason #2: ADOPTED SMALL THINKING
Many coaches call it Limiting Beliefs, I call it adopted small thinking. Why adopted? Because we weren’t born with it!
I’ve had many opportunities to learn from children within the length of my long career in Childcare, and one of the things I know for sure it is that young children are hardcore doers and triers.
Babies keep learning, keep moving on, keep hitting those milestones and they don’t have that irrational fear as we, adults, have!
They learn most limitations through their parents (some unnecessary) that, understandably, want to protect their little ones from harm.
But as we grow, we find some of those “caring and protective warnings” from our parents are actually heavy baggage on our minds.
While they meant well back then, as adults (and the times changed), these warnings are now doing us a disservice.
Want some examples?
“If you don’t get a degree you’ll go nowhere in life and end up jobless or worst, homeless and alone!”
“The love for art won’t bring food to the table!”
“The social media star life is rubbish. Only few people succeed and it’s because they have connections!”
Should I go on? Also, if you suffer from small thinking then there’s high chances of…
Reason #3: SELF-DOUBT
This one is a very common one and even the most successful and powerful people have their moments of self-doubt.
It can be acquired by limiting beliefs questioning our worth, wrong choices in the past, not having much experience on a matter… From so many things!
When it comes to Comparisonitis it can affect both ways:
- You doubt of your qualities and skills so you start comparing to others to find some sort of validation.
- Because you compare yourself to someone (apparently better or more experienced than you) then you start finding flaws in you.
For many, staying small is not only safe but comfortable.
But for some to use it to fire themselves up with their…
Reason #4: COMPETITIVENESS
Some people are competitive by nature and some others love the thrill to rise up to a challenge.
Sounds a bit masochistic (not really), it might sound like that to you if you are not the type that likes racing, or risks, or staying in power.
Yes, staying in power.
There is something when competing that can make us feel an overcharge of energy or power. It brings a boost in our system that makes us leap!
This is specially the case in most assertive people, it’s a form of adrenaline rush that makes them feel good.
From being rebellious and wanting to prove others were wrong, to wanting to show others of one’s greatness or even superiority (narcissistic trait).
With this one sometimes you don’t get the results you were aiming for. The trigger suddenly becomes a burden, and too many failed attempts can lead to…
Reason #5: DEPRESSION
I see depression an “outcome state” from a long process (or consequence) rather than an “origin state”. We don’t just wake up one day and have depression!
What I’m trying to say is that many wrong choices and bad outcomes can lead to Depression.
Accumulation of anxiety, panics attacks, negativity… All can lead to depression.
Have you ever been depressed?
It’s a very numbing feeling that most of the time twists your perception of reality and people around you.
A depressed person sees themselves with a lack of anything outstanding or even special.
Because of this, they tend to compare themselves when they face with something that triggers them.
“I can’t do that! I’m not as good as you…”
“She will get it, if it was me I doubt it. I’m not good enough”
And so on.
Gosh, just writing those made me feel a bit down! *Shaking off the bad vibe and negativity*
THE ONE AND ONLY
“The superior man is distressed by the limitations of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability that he has.” Confucius (from Brainyquotes.com)
Now you are going to say “Ah Diosa, but I’m not a superior man/woman!” And my question is…
Have you even tried? Tried to see where you could reach until you climb/do no more?
You see, my greatest advice is simple.
You can’t compare to anyone else because your competition is yourself not others.
There’s only ONE OF YOU, with your story, your skills and abilities, your personality, your physique…
Knowing this, YOU’VE GOT NO COMPETITION.
Anywho, do you even know how much endurance, struggle and even tragedy has that other person (you are comparing to) gone through?
The difference is that they took action one day and they kept moving on, forward.
And you can too! As Martin Luther King Jr puts it out:
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Have Faith in yourself that you can make it if you try to persevere. Other people’s achievements are the staircase you see that they’ve climbed on.
We usually don’t get to see the effort or setbacks they’ve faced when climbing.
It’s never too late to take that step towards anything that you want to achieve. Look back and remember the things you’ve achieved so far and embrace the pride and gratitude that comes from the effort you put for it.
Knowing this and embracing this fact, it should ease up that tension in you whenever you find yourself comparing to others!
I hope this is something to challenge your mindset (in a good way) and helpful too!
Why don’t you comment below and share your experience or any extra advice so others can benefit from it too?
With light and joy,